How do you want to feel?
This is a question based on Danielle Laporte’s The Desire Map. I asked myself this question many times during my recovery because it’s a great place to start your recovery journey and a whole different approach to living your life and goal setting.
Usually we start with arbitrary goals like “lose 10 pounds,” “get into college,” “get a job,” “eat healthy,” or “be in a relationship” without thinking about why we want these things. Usually New Year’s resolutions are set this way. But what we’re really after when we set goals is to feel a certain way. We want to feel happy or secure or safe or proud or strong. So what if we turned goal setting on its head and started with how we want to feel and then created goals based on that?
To start I free wrote all the different things I wanted to feel in my life, from happy to radiant and clever and everything in between. Finally I decided on four words that would guide my life and all of my decisions: radiant, joyful, inspired, brave. Danielle Laporte calls these “core desired feelings.” These were the feelings I wanted to evoke in my day to day activities. When deciding something or doing anything that required some decision-making, I’d ask myself, does this activity make me feel radiant, joyful, inspired, or brave? If not, maybe I should reconsider what I’m doing. Of course, there will always be activities and chores you have to do that don’t evoke these feelings, but the point is to make your decisions from a place of healing and self-love.
If you were about to do something harmful to yourself, you could ask if it would create any of your core desired feelings. If it doesn’t, maybe you shouldn’t be doing that thing. Only accept actions that make you feel the way you want to feel.
Choose feelings that will help in healing you, rather than hurting you, and then base all your important decisions of what to do on these beautiful, love-drenched feelings.
This is from Figure Out Your Life, a video-based class about figuring out your purpose and passions and life, and getting on the right path to achieve your goals.